IS there an alcoholic alive who hasn't
wished that he could retrace his steps in life, living
through certain experiences again but acting more wisely
this time? Don't some AA members often remark, rather
wistfully, how much better life would have been if sobriety
had come to them sooner? Who hasn't thought, also, how
nice it must be for those who grow up already possessing
most of the AA principles but without first enduring
the alcoholic's pain and remorse?
This desire to live life over on a better
basis isn't uncommon, but it can easily become a liability.
Reviewing the experiences of the past is useful only
if we can somehow profit from it. It should largely
be for the purpose of avoiding similar mistakes in the
future. Otherwise the past is best forgotten, for time
doesn't move back for any man.
In
one sense, however, we are given the chance
to relive our old situations in a much wiser manner.
There is a saying to the effect that the more things
change, the more they stay the same. This is true of
our lives. The problems we meet today are most likely
basically similar to problems we faced years ago in
other forms. Why did we fail then? What have we learned
since that will keep us from repeating our mistakes?
One of our biggest handicaps was in
not having techniques and principles for living that
enabled us to deal with situations as they arose. It
was like trying to work mathematics problems without
knowing the principles; when we hit upon correct solutions
it was only by chance, and all too frequently we couldn't
repeat any successes. Life became one blunder after
another, social relationships fell apart, financial
and health difficulties arose, and we lived in the pressure
cooker of anxiety, uncertainty, fear and remorse.
For many alcoholics, the only surprising
thing about their past lives is that matters sometimes
turned out as well as they did. Even then--though unsought
and unacknowledged--a Higher Power may have been looking
out for us.
We should remember, though, that we
actually did as well as we could at the time. The regrettable
personal relationship, the lost job, the squandered
inheritance, the wasted opportunity--all these failures
were hardly avoidable under the circumstances. Alcoholism
is an illness; afflicted with other illnesses of similar
severity we would have failed just as dismally. The
same is true of those failures which one meets after
joining AA--the personal shortcomings that fed alcoholism
are still around and can still bring trouble.
But at least the growth and progression
is now in an upward direction. The AA program gives
us techniques and principles for the mastery of most
of life's problems. Getting along with troublesome people
becomes easier, finances and health usually improve,
and opportunities can now be used to advantage. It is,
in fact, the striking difference between the old life
and the new way that sometimes brings this reflection
that if today's knowledge could have been applied to
yesterday's problems, things would have been so much
better.
But that's true of other things in life.
The affluent businessman who once scraped and borrowed
to get through college would have been more comfortable
if some of today's income could have been available
to him in the lean old days. The general who bungled
in World War I could have won easily if, by a miracle,
somebody could have given him a few of World War II's
weapons. The artist who now knows the tricks of his
trade would have fared better if he'd had his present
skills twenty years ago. But these things can't be applied
retroactively; neither can AA's ideas for good living.
What is possible is to keep up-to-date
on our ability to meet life. Those old problems that
once overwhelmed us are still visiting us, though in
higher and subtler forms. Our attention should be focused
on the problems of the present, and we already have
most of the tools for dealing with them in the Twelve
Steps.
We also should remind ourselves that
mentally refighting the battles of the past may be a
convenient way of sidestepping today's challenges. Most
of us have enough problems right now to engage our full
attention. If we're digging up past troubles to fret
over, it may be at the expense of current matters that
need work.
The AA program, lived well today, can
give us happiness, development of our own powers, and
guidance in improving the general conditions of our
lives. The case histories of AA members who have found
joy and fulfillment through the AA program are so numerous
as to border on the fantastic. Yet even those who have
traveled far are still only on the threshold of much
greater things that can follow with a deeper spiritual
life and more vision.
Yesterday carries some important lessons
for us, and the AA program wisely provides for clearing
up past wrongs. But the past is best mended by living
so fully today that its errors have no place in our
lives.
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