430 Day 30 of a 40-Day Practice


MY MISSION STATEMENT - I am devoted, dedicated, committed to experiencing Your Presence, Father consciously, consistently within me and everywhere present. I want to know, to realize, to live for Your Will for me, empowered by Your loving grace. My mission in now clear, I need, I want to share all I am given with whomever You Will, Father. I look to You as my only Source to provide me with everyone and everything it takes to carry out the Mission You gave me. Thank You.


Some of the important people in my life told me that I would be a fine person if I did not drink alcohol or do any violence. When I came into the Program I did stop drinking alcohol and I stopped the outward expression of violence. I was not a fine person just stopping anything. Actually I felt a deeper anger, which later turned out to be fear. I never let myself consciously admit I was fearful, in my family showing fear was forbidden. Of course at first I did not have the tools to address the conditions and causes of my disease. Plus I no longer had my "medicine" alcohol to keep me from feeling and caring; I felt there was no way out. The last year of my drinking I became well acquainted with the hideous Four Horseman – Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair (page 151 of the Big Book).

I genuinely thought I would be free with just stopping bad things, but I was not free, in fact I felt still bound. I found that I did not know how to live unbound within my personal "reality" drunk or sober. I was imprisoned in a Wall-less Cocoon, I spun from my illusions under the pretence I was protecting myself from enemies of my own making out of nightmares and sick fantasies.

Yes it became clear that the absence of bad stuff does not equal a loving, fulfilling way of life, but it is a good start.


Did you buy into the idea that all you had to do was to stop a few bad things, and you would be just fine?

How had you imprisoned yourself?