430 Day 30 of a 40-Day Practice

DAY THIRTY OF A FORTY-DAY PRACTICE

MY MISSION STATEMENT - I am devoted, dedicated, committed to experiencing Your Presence, Father consciously, consistently within me and everywhere present. I want to know, to realize, to live for Your Will for me, empowered by Your loving grace. My mission in now clear, I need, I want to share all I am given with whomever You Will, Father. I look to You as my only Source to provide me with everyone and everything it takes to carry out the Mission You gave me. Thank You.

TODAY: WALL-LESS COCOON

Some of the important people in my life told me that I would be a fine person if I did not drink alcohol or do any violence. When I came into the Program I did stop drinking alcohol and I stopped the outward expression of violence. I was not a fine person just stopping anything. Actually I felt a deeper anger, which later turned out to be fear. I never let myself consciously admit I was fearful, in my family showing fear was forbidden. Of course at first I did not have the tools to address the conditions and causes of my disease. Plus I no longer had my "medicine" alcohol to keep me from feeling and caring; I felt there was no way out. The last year of my drinking I became well acquainted with the hideous Four Horseman – Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair (page 151 of the Big Book).

I genuinely thought I would be free with just stopping bad things, but I was not free, in fact I felt still bound. I found that I did not know how to live unbound within my personal "reality" drunk or sober. I was imprisoned in a Wall-less Cocoon, I spun from my illusions under the pretence I was protecting myself from enemies of my own making out of nightmares and sick fantasies.

Yes it became clear that the absence of bad stuff does not equal a loving, fulfilling way of life, but it is a good start.

QUESTIONS

Did you buy into the idea that all you had to do was to stop a few bad things, and you would be just fine?

How had you imprisoned yourself?