053 Difficulty Forgiving Myself


For many years I sought the answer to the same question. I heard in meetings and in sharing with others the same statement; I can forgive others a lot easier than I can forgive myself. I tried to find the answer outside myself but could not. Then I turned to our Father within with a burning desire seeking the answer. When I sought an answer, a solution before with all my heart, mind and soul holding nothing back an answer soon came to me. It came is such a way I could understand, realize and accept. "We will intuitively know how to handle situations which use to baffle us". (page 84 Big Book)

Like most of my problems this one was no different, I had "made up" an illusion of separation from my Higher Power, my Higher Intended Self and others. I had built a wall of fear, guilt, because I was often falling short of what I believed I should be. I have known since I was a kid that I was more loving than I was able to share. I also knew that I was a better person than I was able to prove. No matter how hard I tried to be my created self, I failed. I experienced a discontent; a feeling of uselessness because I would fall short of what I knew at some level is my unexpressed true self.

I was dreaming I was standing at the door of the wall-less prison I had "made up" with my person "reality" my dream world, another one of my illusions of separation. I was begging our Father to open this door, which was not and asking our Father to heal the separation that never was. I thought I was returning Home from a journey into a far country, like the Prodigal son. Nevertheless, when I stood in Your Presence Father, I realized I had never left. I had always been here and now in Your Presence, but I had been in a "made up" darkness, a walled off prison, an illusion of separation. I realize intuitively that none of Your creations can be apart from You and live.

I then heard an intuitively knowing Voice within me saying; awaken at this place where you have always been. You are all created in My image and likeness, and I am Love and so is all my creations love. Each one of you I gave a purpose individually when I created you. You are asking why it is so difficult to forgive yourself? In part it is caused by your trying to forgive what I did not judge you for. You try to be what you are not, and then forgot it. What you are experiencing is Divine Discontent because you are not expressing all the love you are. You are not consciously and consistently living your purpose that I gave you. The answer is simple; love the best you can, and carry out you mission, which is My Will, the best you can, here and now. I will supply you with all you need, to you abundance. There cannot be a need for forgiveness, unless there has been a judgment. I do not judge my children for having nightmares. Now abide in the love you are and the individual I created you as the best you can. I will take care of the results. Now awaken and be about our Business. Yes I do love you.