112 Can’t let go

CAN’T LET GO

I was sharing with another A.A. member how easy staying sober now compared with how difficult it once was before A.A. It is clear I have an invisible means of support doing for me what I could not or cannot. The question is, why not use these Spiritual tools to overcome our other additions or useless beliefs? My first thought was I do not own and totally surrender some of our other defects to our Father. If I know what I am doing is wrong, harmful or useless then why not surrender it to a Power that can heal it?

My A.A. friend told me he was having a big problem with lusting. He had not acted it out physically but his fancies were causing problems. He is an active church member so for him it is sinful, calling for repentance and forgiveness or punishment. His wife does not turn him on when he compares her to a young Ten. This causes him more remorse, guilt and punishment. He disapproves of what he is doing but cannot or will not stop it. He will not surrender it to our Boss because it may be taken away and he is not ready of that. Because he "knows" in his heart he is wrong he will not or cannot forgive himself.

I asked him what these fancies were doing for him? He said that he enjoyed them more than anything else in the "real" world. Convinced our Father would heal him he could not surrender these lustful fancies for fear they would be taken away. He had nothing to replace them with and that was more than he could accept. He reflected for a moment, and then said he felt the same way at first when he surrendered his drinking problem. By surrendering his drinking problem holding nothing back miracles began to happen. He found the A.A. Program and worked the Steps as though his life depended on it and it did. This A.A. way of life replaced what he was looking for on his alcoholic’s path; with a sober life far beyond anything he had hope or prayed for.

Once he surrendered his lust and everything connected with it he found his trust in the Program expanding. He started working the Steps on his lust addiction with conviction because it worked before when all else failed. In retrospect he can see how he had resisted healing to the point of protecting his lust addiction against change. He could also see how he would not forgive himself in order to use the drugs guilt and punishment giving the pretense he was doing something about the problem. Perhaps now that he has chosen to let our Father heal him through our Program maybe he will forgive himself.

QUESTIONS

Are you hanging on to one of your addictions?

Have you used NOT forgiving, guilt or punishment to avoid change?

What happened to you when you surrender all hold nothing back?

Are you using these Spiritual Principles in every area of your life?

Random Awakening

This is Day Thirty-seven of Lou-is' 40-Day feasting on his individual heart's desire, something he wants to attain and to fast from everything unlike it. This project is to build the Spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and social equivalent or container to enable him to change and keep that change, by practice. I am dedicating one of my daily practices for each of the major characteristics of my mission. TODAY: THEN ACT LIKE IT