108 My Judgment Call


I was sharing our AA Program with a guy, who had about one year in the Program. He had worked the Steps on his primary addiction. He did a good job for his first time-out. I found myself saying something like; you need to get busy on the Steps again in the area you are having the same old problem in. I sounded to him like, I was coming down too hard, and he was right. He said I did not give him credit for all the hard work, he had already done. I believe he did the best he could. So, why was I so hard on him? I knew in my heart, he was not the problem it was me. I felt bad but I could not forgive myself for being so unfair. I ask the Boss for guidance; how could I forgive myself? His answer to my prayer was, go back to the judgment I made that called for the need to forgive and change that judgment.

I did something I felt bad about, and I was unable to forgive myself no matter how hard I tried. I reminded myself I could have stopped the problem before it went too far, but I did not. If, ifs and buts were candy and nuts we would all have a Merry Christmas. When it is me making the mistake or doing a wrong I will not extend tender mercy as I would for another.

I had projected my hardness for my wrong onto the one I was sponsoring. I did not intent to hurt anyone including myself, but I did. What I had done wrong, I would quickly forgive another, but not me. I thought I should be beyond that pettiness, but I was not. By realizing and owning what I did I could choose once again. I could choose to change my judgments about my two wrongs, which calls for correction, not punishment. I could return to the Father as the Prodigal Son sooner. I need to own my part as soon as possibly and surrender it to the Boss. If I do that I will not project my wrongs on to another. In both cases I choose to look for correction and in doing, so I have little need to forgive.


Would you be willing the next time you need forgiveness but cannot, to turn back to the judgment that caused the need to forgive and change that judgment?

Random Awakening

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