274 Rebirth of Innocence

 274 Rebirth of Innocence

I lost my childhood and early adult innocence long ago. I have mourned that lost a great deal compounded with the belief I could never have innocence again.


During my Spiritual innocence I could claim our Father’s ability to heal someone and often it happened. I realize it was not my Spiritual know-how but my innocent faiths in His ability not mine. When I did commit a bad wrong the results were that I lost that innocence. I overdosed on the drug guilt and punishment. I forgot I was given this special gift as a channel for healing by grace not because I was pure. I believed that I must remain pure in heart and humble in spirit or earn His grace to keep it. Now I realize that it was always our Father within doing the works. I was no more than a witness to His loving grace and mercy. For years I long for that lost innocence. I have done all I could to please our Father as if I could. The hidden motive that I should be able to earn His loving grace turned out to be a waste of time and energy. Now I’m reminded that His grace is freely given and must be freely received and freely passed on. Now I am seeking an adult Spiritual innocence meaning that I am responsible for my decisions and actions but not the results. I want and need to be clear what my part is, accepting that all the rest is His to do or not do. In other words I want the correct alignment with His will for me. When I don't know what to pray for I pray for our Father's Will, in a silence stillness I wait. I cannot find the words to express my deepest heart’s desire. Words are poor symbols of symbols twice removed from reality. That is a good case for Centering Prayer which can lead us to Contemplation, the grace of a mystical union with our Father. Now let my personal needs be our Father's use of me. I pray that all of us to seek and find our Father's Will. By our Father’s grace I’ve experienced in a small degree of an adult innocence.. My part was living our Program one now at a time and I pray that it continues.


1. How did you react when you lost your Spiritual childhood experience?

2. What is your understanding of adult innocence?

Random Awakening

About twelve years ago I found myself pushing some of the people I shared the AA Program with for many years, what happened?