248 Past Authorities

 248 Past Authorities

My workshop theme asked: What is it about me that is saying yes or no to living my given purpose 24/7, which I believe is our Father’s will for me? Or, what is it about me that is saying yes or no to loving me 24/7? My make fun of name is Al Duplex. For a better understanding I have to ask a few more simple questions like: Why do I hide when I am doing, thinking, feeling something I believed others will disapprove of? The simple answer is; others will block me from doing whatever I want or they may punish me if they found out. God was also another, no wonder I became such a private person. I did not trust anyone including a God of my growing up understanding. My authority experience became my God as I understood Him. Authorities were: punishing, unfair, withholding, not loving, and too demanding. God and authorities gave the good stuff to their chosen. My shame and guilt caused feelings of self-hate and I projected that on to others. A habit of thought and feelings expressed long enough will become my personal "reality", a way of life. My personal "reality" runs on automatic unless called into question. The beginning of full ownership is; "once a personal "reality" always a personal "reality", the limited side of Al Duplex. I have done a number of inventories trying to get a complete ownership of my personal "reality". My efforts have not been in vain. I choose to return to love. Thy Love be done.

Random Awakening

I woke up early this morning and could not go back to sleep. I had a stream of thoughts about our Father's worth and value and how it contrast with my worth and value.