342 Dark Nights

342 Dark Nights

For years I have lived a radical way of life according to some. My life is centered on service. I provide workbooks and workshops based on the AA Program both in person and the Internet. Of course I will never meet in person those who download off my website. After a few days out of town I realize how radical my life is. I show up almost every day for what I call my mission, which I believe is our Father's will for me. I have a dream that my dedication, devotion and commitment would be conscious and consistent by now but I fall far short. For years I have experienced what is called the Dark Night of the Senses where everything in this human condition fails to bring fulfillment for long, at best I may get a temporary fix. I have experienced what is called the Dark Night of the Spirit where everything I understand as Spiritually fails or falls far short. Both Dark Nights are calling for corrections; calling for "clean hands and a pure heart." I can wash my hands often by correcting and forgiving my actions. I can seek to have a pure heart by rewiring and rewriting my personal "reality" with an endless upgrading of my service but I fall short. I pray that my selfishness and self-centeredness is transformed into the asset of enlighten self-interest. Once again I am reminded if anything of real value is to happen it must come from the gifts of mercy and grace. The Dark Nights are proof that I keep getting in the way. Father have mercy. Thy Love be done.

Random Awakening

Part of the healing process of our Program is to chip away all that is not our individual Created self.