Only an alcoholic can understand the exact meaning of a statement
like this one. The double standard that held me captive
as an active alcoholic also filled me with terror and confusion:
"If I don't get a drink I'm going to die," competed with
"if I continue drinking its going to kill me."
Both compulsive thoughts pushed me ever closer to the bottom.
That bottom produced a total acceptance of my alcoholism --
with no reservations whatsoever -- and one that was absolutely
essential for my recovery. It was a dilemma unlike anything
I had ever faced, but as I found out later on, a necessary
one if I was to succeed in this program.