No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can one
turn his own will and his own life over to the care of whatever
God he thinks there is? In my search for the answer
to this question, I became aware of the wisdom with which
it was written: that this is a two-part Step.
I could see many times where I should
have died, or at least been injured, during my previous style
of living, and it never happened. Someone, or something,
was looking after me. I choose to believe my life has
always been in God's care. He alone controls the number
of days I will be granted until physical death.
The matter of will (self-will or
God's will) is the more difficult part of the Step for me.
It is only when I have experienced enough emotional pain,
through failed attempts to fix myself, that I become willing
to surrender to God's will for my life. Surrender is
like the calm after the storm. When my will is in line
with God's will for me, there is peace within.