|
|
| print this
A
Question of Prudence
By
Bill W., General Service Conference, 1959
These
proceedings began on the theme of gratitude and of trust.
I know that even in fuller measure they close on those identical
themes. And our last speaker has just added the third ingredient.
And that is the ingredient of joy.
To
the minds of some, this has been an uneventful Conference.
It has been a routine Conference. In fact, we are so prone
to having to have excitement that some of us have exclaimed,
"For Gods sake, why did we have to come here
at all? Things have been going fine."
And
the Conference did have that aspect. But beneath that aspect
of it, I find excitement. I find assurance. I find joy.
In the spirit in which this routine humdrum was handled.
In the meticulous and careful attention to detail. I find
great joy in the recognition by this Conference that all
of our leadership is by no means here. And I wish especially
that they would carry my gratitude and the gratitude of
all of us back to those committeemen, and those GSRs, now
numbering the thousands, on whom the base of our pyramid
of service really rests.
We
in those echelons can fail in our trust here and there as
individualswe on the Trustees, we in the service office,
but these people as a whole cannot and must not fail. And
that we recognize their importance was to me a very exciting
thing.
Now
there was an event that occurred that was at first passed
by me as something rather amusing, something rather trivial,
something funny. It did have all these aspects. Yet to me,
on later reflection, it proved to be the basis of the theme
on which Id like to speak, namely, the theme of fear
as it relates to prudence, as prudence relates to trust
and as trust relates to faith in each other -faith in God
and faith in our leadership.
You
remember the episode, I had made this pitch on trust and
the next day, or the following day, our great friend from
Montana got up and he even smiled as he recounted how the
treasurer of their convention had abscondedin thirst
or for some equally desirable purposewith the Conference
funds.
The
great event was that we laughed - and he laughed - all of
us laughed uproariously at this deplorable thing. I have
been pondering this morning what was the real deeper meaning
of that laughter. And those thoughts, for what they may
be worth, I would like to share with you.
There
was a time when any such announcement in an A.A. Group or
an Areaor in a Conference like this, should such a
thing have existedwould have been shattering. And,
as I thought about it, I remembered the first group secretary
who absconded. I remember the first uproar over bed-hopping.
I remembered the first anonymity breaks. I remembered the
bitter attack that my best friend made upon me - and how
I retaliated. I remembered our fears of the early times
- fears for sobriety, fears for the existence of the group,
fears for the survival of the movement - all bound up around
these very human failings.
But
in that laugh about the absconding treasurer, I found a
mighty assurance for our future. In the first place, in
that laugh could be found no trace of a desire for punishment
of the erring brother. In that laugh, I found complete understanding.
In that laugh I found recognition by each of us that, as
individuals, we are still capable of any follyand
I shall add myself to that list because, indeed, my own
capabilities for folly are still very great indeed. We have
learned here that anything can happen to any individual
at any time.
But
the old worry was: Will these individual failings of our
some day destroy our Society and the chance of those yet
to come? And in this laugh I found a complete absence of
fear, speaking for A.A. as a whole, of what any individual
within or without could possibly do to us...or any group
of individuals. This indeed is a great change. And it has
been brought about, I think, by the conscious - certainly,
the unconscious - recognition that in a certain aspect this
government is almost unique.
We
are surrounded by a world in which fear is the keynote,
in which fear is taking a destructive course, in which fear
drives men to pot, to bigotry, to murderous war and an unending
category of other griefs. Fear is the touchstone of
all of this. Another characteristic we see in the world
around us, not a new one - it is as old as history - is
this: that, generally speaking, all societies and nations,
and even religions, are apt to behave as a whole far worse
than the majority of their individual members.
In
A.A. we have exactly the reverse condition. As a society,
we have seen no attacks, nor have we been attacked. We have
made no aggressions on the world outside and they have not
trespassed upon us; they have befriended us. We have exhibited
no bigotry, very little intolerance. So as a society of
still very frail individuals, our collective behavior has
been almost miraculously impeccable. Our behavior as a society
has been far better than our behavior as individuals, to
whom anything can happen, even as the poor brother who get
thirsty in Montana.
Now
I think that was behind that laugh. It was no praise of
our behavior as a Society because we have developed these
attributes under the lash of Barleycorn, because we must.
But I got behind that laugh a sense of tremendous collective
security, an absence of fear of members who may be ill.
So therefore we have capitalized upon fear whilst the world
in general seems to be deteriorating under fear.
The
A.A. first walks in the door driven by stark fear, then
gets a little confidence. And then he gets more. But at
no point, if he is wise, does he get a blind faith that
God, having got him sober, is necessarily going to keep
him that way unless he prudently does his part. So, prudently,
our new man looks at the Twelve Steps and he commences their
practice and he begins to grow. Then he probably enters
a period of disillusion. He sees people around him victimized
by power drives, all the forces at work, apparently in greater
measure, than are tearing the outside world apart. But somehow
the group hangs together. Somehow it functions. In fact,
it does it magnificently despite what anybody inside it
can do. And then he has a look at the Traditions and he
suddenly sees that the Traditions are nothing but a special
application of our relations, one to the other and to the
world outside and to our functioning, animated by the spirit
of the Twelve Steps and powered by the grace of God.
So
the Traditions are a prudent setting forth of what would
be necessary for us to do in order to be sure that our unity
remains undisturbed and that our function can go on. Now,
then, a couple of the Traditions or more deal with this
matter of functioning, as groups, as areas, as a whole.
And again we have devised a specialized application of the
Twelve points in the Twelve Traditions to this matter of
world service, a structure and edifice of service.
And,
in order to be prudent, we have carefully defined our relations,
one with the other and are still in the process of perfecting
those definitions, with the groups, with the GSR5, with
the Assemblies, with the committees, Delegates, Delegates
with the Trustees, Trustees with the Service Office.
And
we feel that if we can define these relations carefully,
that there will be nothing more to fear from the deviations
of individuals in these services at whatever level than
we have under the Twelve Steps and the Traditions to fear
the deviations in groups.
In
other words, it is a prudent arrangement under which world
services may be worthy of the grace of God.
Now,
then, this is the ninth of our conferences. We will soon
be hitting the landmark of its first decade. And to my way
of thinking the result has been magnificent. And it has
been founded upon fear turning into prudence and now slowly
into trust and confident faith that this structure of service
will be able to bear any pain or pressure which the future
might thrust upon it.
Actually,
one central thought over the years in those of us who have
been very active in devising this structure has been this:
this structure must be capable of functioning when conditions
are at their worst and when we are at our worst. Will the
structure of service be able to survive under those conditions?
Now, I have no doubt that there are some of you who have
been around three, four, five, six, seven years who may
have got an exaggerated idea of the personal virtues and
worth of those who serve you down here actively.
You
come down here and you find that the drunks in the services
here act much like the drunks in Texas and Montana sometimes.
And this is a profound shocker. You say: "My God, is
this altitude pretty low!"
My
longer experience tells me: "No, it isnt like
that at all." It was those very experiences, those
observations of each others weakness, that themselves
have slowly evolved these relationships that tend to take
out the insurance policy carrying the theme of the future.
And not the least of these observations were ones made upon
me by my fellows and sometimes reluctantly by me myself.
I
suppose the great central defect out of which a lot of others
have grownthe pattern which has characterized me since
childhoodhas been a terrific craving for approval
but particularly for power and prestige. I not only wanted
to be approved; in all matters I wished to dominate and
I wished to rule. The same forces that are tearing the world
outside are the ones that tore me apart.
And
when I appeared in this Society, and when I was given by
our Blessed Lord the gift of sobriety, that pattern was
not ended. My drinking has been, but not that pattern. And
in my remaining paranoia, which was great, I was heard to
exclaim right away: "I am going to sober up all the
drunks in the world."
And
little by little you people began to gather around me and
I began collide with people who were geared just like me.
And a struggle began. Who could dominate this early A.A.
scene? And, consciously to a degree, but unconsciously completely,
I thought: This is for me; this is where I will distinguish
myself; This is where I can at last rule. So I began to
carry the message, animated in part by that destructive
motive and also I hope by the grace with which I have been
endowed as a gift.
So
the Society began to take form. And presently the Society
began to give me a whole lot of thou shalt nots.
First of all, it said: You are not going to rule; the interests
of this whole fellowship are greater than any of your interests,
whether they be power, money, prestige, and what have you.
Survival of this group is even more important than your
own survival. Oh, they didnt articulate this so clearly
but then it was there even from the beginning. "You
cant rule this Society. It cant be run from
New York City. You are in the moneymaking business;
you are not going to make a fortune out of this, nor anyone
else."
In
other words the society had begun to be prudent. . . and
say: "These things are too great temptations, even
for the outside world, let alone for us."
So,
as I look at the A.A. Tradition, they are for me to a large
degree pretty much what they are for you. They are deflationary
expressions of prudence, running counter to all of these
very natural and sometimes terrible forces which would rend
us apart.
So,
after a few years, when the ecstasy of the first success
has worn off and when these and other pressures began to
increase upon me, I found myself a very sick man, emotionally.
My
life became, for a good many years, a neurotic shambles.
And meanwhile this Society went on developing its Traditions
and my illness forced me to stay home and say: What is going
to happen to Alcoholics Anonymous? And, quite naturally,
whats going to become of me? Which was quite a change,
was it not, from these early and insensate ambitions.
So
I was obliged to look at your experience and my experience
and finally a friend came and he said: Cant we now
codify this experience not into rules and regulations but
into Traditions? So, the Traditions were evolved. Out of
the deflation of thousands; out of the stark necessity of
the situation, these Traditions which spell out prudence,
which spell out trust, which spell out brotherhood, which
spell out faith, were evolved.
Well,
half way through, of course the need was seen that we would
have to function as a whole. There were successive delegations
of responsibilities to a Board of Trustees. Then the relation
of the Board of Trustees to us working in the Office was
defined through agonizing steps, steps which cost me the
friendship of one of my best-loved associates, even the
death of another. You who fear trouble in the services really
make me smile when I consider the troubles that we have
passed through here and now no longer fear. Because, just
like the Traditions, these structural relationships within
which we now work, were formed out of pain. And therefore,
as I said a few minutes ago, we hope and believe that by
borrowing from the structural forms that man throughout
the ages have tried, even from the anarchy to the democracy,
the republic, the hierarchyeven the maligned dictatorship
of Barleycorn and the benign dictatorship of our Fatherborrowing
from all those things, we can hope and believe that we have
created a synthesis of principles and of relationships in
which we can be just as supremely confident as this group
was when it laughedbecause there was no fear of a
thief. And Ill warrant you that the word thief never
occurred to us as we sat here laughing.
So,
we are coming to the age in the services of fear being translated
into prudence, and prudence into trusttrust of each
other and trust of our leadership. And we in the world service
group are no small entitysome thousands of GSR5, some
hundreds of committeemen, Delegates now approaching a hundred,
and a couple of score of us around hereor less. This
is the total group. And I think the time will soon come
when the members of this group will laugh at the fears that
are sometimes current about the collapse of our services
due to the aberrations of individuals or socalled
cliques.
Will
we feel just as secure in the destiny of these services
as we are in the destiny of our group, the only condition
being that we shall maintain our prudence - the kind of
diligence and industry show hereand our confident
faith in each other and in God.
Now,
then, about this matter of leadership. As I think I have
observed, we are apt to veer from one extreme to another
in our concept of what it should be. A leader is sometimes
pictured by us as a meek soul, the really egotistical soul
if you look more closely, who goes around and says to everybody:
Now I just want to do exactly as you people want. And on
the other side we have the fellow, no more egotistical,
who says: I know whats good for you, and this is it.
Of
course, leadership has to be in a sort of a waving line
going up through the middle between these extremes. And
leadership at all levelsAnd I mean personal leadershipof
the right kindis absolutely indispensable to our future
security. It is in the seeking out of the right people for
the right assignments, no matter what the level, that we
shall express the prudence of the future.
Our
problems of the future wont be the problems of recreating
Alcoholics Anonymous, or taking those great long chances
or heavy risks. Our problem will be primarily the presentation
ofthe preservation of, the protection and the slow
perfecting of what we have. And leadership, too, in all
levels may have to face some day this societys bout
with crisis.
If
the world is full of crisis, even with our special advantages,
would it not be a conceit to suppose that were going
to be let off entirely? No, we shall probably have these
crisis; just exactly as we have had them as individuals
and as groups and as areas, so may we have them as a whole.
Therefore this Conference assembled here, this most placid
one of all in which some say, "My God, I believe the
Serenity Prayer has taken hold at last"this Conference
is really here as a bulwark against a future day which may
bring peril and crisis. And this is a conditioning process,
a discipline and an assurance that the day will be met and
transcended, a thing of which I am supremely confident.
Therefore,
in this writing which I am fussing with, of which there
can be drafts of a dozen points of service, this is on my
own part just an attempt at prudence, definition, interpretation.
As you know, our manual of service is largely a procedural
thing; it tells "how." Scattered through it and
in its charter, you can find a great deal of "why."
But the idea occurred to some of us that if the "how"
and the "why" were pulled together and codified
again in twelve characteristic points, that this would clear
up the relationships between us, might convey some warnings
as to the areas in which we should exercise special prudence
and could be a broad basis on which the structure could
operate, shored up by the history of our experience, saying
not only "how" but "here is why." So
Im going to drop my little contribution in the hopper
and will shop it around here and it will be sent out to
you people some time this yearI can say that its
in a tentative draft nowI expect that in some aspects
of it, its going to get one hell of a kicking around.
And
I only ask that after its kicked, and its been
digested and redigested, that even though there may be still
differences as to its worth, questions as to the validity
of some of the claims and statements, even if those are
still residuary after two or three years, I would like to
ask this Society just for one favor. Even if you happen
to disagree with me, would you mind just printing those
steps over into the back of that service manual in case
some of them should turn out to be right.
I
have no more to say. God speed, safe journey, happy hunting,
God bless you.
|

|