If you've noticed cross currents of
wind sweeping in every direction recently, it's probably
the result of the Tom Swifty fad that's kept everybody
busy thinking of clever adverbial endings.
You're the proud creator of a Tom Swifty
when you've thought up just the right adverb to give
a simple statement a ridiculous double-meaning.
You probably know how the game goes:
"I think I'll camp here tonight," said Tom
If Tom Swifty were an AA member his
drinking history might sound like this:
"I was mainly a beer drinker,"
remarked Tom, stoutly.
"I'm strangely attracted to AA,"
said Tom magnetically.
"AA is one in a thousand,"
declared Tom, grandly.
"Now that I'm sober, I've finally
been able to buy a decent pair of trousers," laughed
"I kept having blackouts,"
said Tom, forgetfully.
"And then I start getting arrested
after every bender," said Tom, captivatingly.
"I drink too much, too often, and
too long," stated Tom, superlatively.
"My drinking got so bad I sold
the wheels off my car," Tom said, tirelessly.
"I've been in AA for six months
now," announced Tom, drily.
"There I was, on Chicago's skid
row in the dead of winter without an overcoat,"
sighed Tom, icily.
"I was also a terrible woman-chaser,"
admitted Tom, broadly.
"Since I couldn't even afford a
haircut, I looked like a St. Bernard half the time,"
said Tom, dogmatically.