© The A.A.
Grapevine, Inc. - Date unknown
In the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, we are loved unconditionally,
tolerated, cajoled, and treated with incredible patience.
I came into this atmosphere after nearly killing myself
with drugs and alcohol, filled with self-loathing and
controlling behaviors and complete contempt for life and
people in general. I brought all this with me into the
rooms, as though armed against your good intentions and
your love of life, which I didn’t believe for an
instant could be real. I took from all of you greedily
and gave back very little. I stayed unwilling to change
and only learned things that I could use against you.
I was determined to test that easygoing nature AA people
seemed to have.
my self-righteous attitude, I decided that all of the
controversy about drug addicts in AA meetings was nothing
more than a way to keep out people like myself, who abused
many drugs along with alcohol. I believed that the underlying
message was “We don’t want you here.”
I decided that you people were not nearly so loving or
so patient as you made yourselves out to be. It was just
as I’d suspected all along.
I was about to abandon meetings altogether. At yet another
meeting where this topic came up during our group conscience
decision, a fellow alcoholic/drug addict spoke up and
said, “I am willing to go to any lengths to stay
sober. If this means that I shouldn’t speak about
my drug use at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings - well, then,
I guess I can do that. These are the people who save my
life and taughtmeto live a real life. I owe them too much
to try to change them rather than change myself.”
was just that simple.
the answer for me has been to be willing to change.
months struggling with this dilemma I saw The solution.
I have now joined a group that is definitely oldtime AA,
and we stick to the philosophy of singleness of purpose
as it was mapped out for us by our original members.
worry about Alcoholics Anonymous changing so much and
I pray that we all learn to age gracefully. My AA world
is still intact, and AA members are still most loving
and patient with me. I hope that I’ve learned never
again to force my will on something so Solid. .